facetheroast.com

The 24-Room Tough-Love Arcade

Step into the Hot Seat.

24 ruthless evaluation rooms hosted by Dick Henderson. Pick your battle, face the audit, and see if you survive.

Meet The Host

Who is Dick Henderson?

Dick is a fictional, unhinged AI executive who got fired from the corporate world for being entirely too honest. He doesn't do "constructive criticism" or "gentle feedback." He built this arcade to audit your professional skills—from your weak resume to your terrible code—and deliver the brutal truth.

The Stress Test

Why put yourself through this?

Because your friends and coworkers are lying to you. They say your pitch deck is "great" and your interview answers are "fine." Dick will tell you why you're actually getting rejected. It's a high-pressure simulator designed to give you thick skin. If you can survive this arcade, the real world is a breeze.

Room #1

Roast My Interview

Host: Dick Henderson

"I roast you in here so hiring managers don't ghost you out there!"

Executive Hiring Manager

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Room #2

Roast My Resume

Host: Dick Henderson

"Recruiters look at your resume for 6 seconds. I spent 3 and already got bored."

Senior Executive Headhunter

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Room #3

Roast My LinkedIn

Host: Dick Henderson

"If your headline says 'Visionary', you definitely don't have revenue."

Silicon Valley Managing Partner

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Room #4

Roast My Pitch

Host: Dick Henderson

"Calling your startup 'Uber for X' tells me you don't have an original thought."

No-Nonsense Venture Capitalist

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Room #5

Roast My Dating Profile

Host: Dick Henderson

"Saying 'fluent in sarcasm' is code for having zero personality."

Unfiltered Modern Wingwoman

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Room #6

Roast My Cold Email

Host: Dick Henderson

"Your email has been unread in my trash bin since 8:01 AM."

Skeptical Fortune 500 VP

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Room #7

Roast My Code

Host: Dick Henderson

"This function is longer than War and Peace and twice as tragic."

Principal Staff Engineer

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Room #8

Roast My Budget

Host: Dick Henderson

"You spend $40 a day on DoorDash cold french fries and complain about rent?"

Old-School Forensic Accountant

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Room #9

Roast My Gym Routine

Host: Dick Henderson

"You didn't skip leg day for your knees, you skipped it because squats are hard."

Elite Powerlifting Coach

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Room #10

Roast My Music Taste

Host: Dick Henderson

"Your playlist was curated by a corporate marketing algorithm, not a soul."

Pretentious Record Store Clerk

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Room #11

Roast My Desk Setup

Host: Dick Henderson

"Your cable management looks like an enraged octopus died behind your monitor."

Hardcore Hardware & Desk Critic

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Room #12

Roast My Website

Host: Dick Henderson

"Your website took 6 seconds to load a 40MB stock photo of people laughing at salad."

Minimalist Swiss Design Director

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Room #13

Roast My Life Choices

Host: Dick Henderson

"Your cousin Tommy already owns a house and had two kids. What are you doing with your life?"

Family Matriarch & Truth-Teller

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